I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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