I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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