erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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