Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
