mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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