i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize