ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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