she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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