I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize