and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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