he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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