I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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