words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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