Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize