Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
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Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have fence marks all over my body
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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