shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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