maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Im part way to drunk.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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