so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
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haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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