Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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