nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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