i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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