NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize