I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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