i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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