just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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