There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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