When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize