new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize