Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
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I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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