we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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