Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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