It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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