Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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