I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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