My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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