i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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