And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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