after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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