how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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