hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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