I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize