now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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