I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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