I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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