the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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