Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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