i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize