I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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