She is in my trunk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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