So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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