hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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