Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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