saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize